my feminist quest to have an honest conversation & exchange of ideas with sexist men (and women)!!

so as a feminist college student, I’ve been checking out the blogs of my fellow feminists (like my favorite endlessly awesome feminist blog, jezebel- http://www.jezebel.com). but um while I love jezebel — cuz it’s fucking hilarious and its cheeky snarkiness makes me laugh (one Jezebel article title was: Um, Is This Kanye West’s Penis? And Why Does It Make Me Sad?) hahah…see what I mean? :p

…the fact is that I think this kind of mean-spirited feminist snark is well…just not very helpful for feminists to have an honest conversation and exchange of ideas with sexist men on the issue of sexism and feminism, you know? I mean to be fair tho, I get that feminists are trying to confront sexism and misogyny with a sense of humor. — but calling sexist men names or just insulting them or making fun of them or whatever (while very entertaining lol) — it pretty much cuts off any opportunities to actually like talk to each other in a productive way about these issues. also – like on Twitter, every time I see a self-identified feminist talking to some sexist dude, the feminist is always calling the sexist dude a “douchebag,” an “asshole,” or a “sexist fucking pig” or something — and sexist men are doing the same thing too — calling women “feminazis” and “fembots” or other various colorful and creative names like what a sexist Twitter dude called me once — “an insufferable thunder cunt.” lol.

I know some people might be thinking (especially my fellow feminists) — um, why the fuck would feminists ever want to actually listen to the perspective of sexist men (and women) when we already know they’re batshit crazy?? well, my answer to that is I don’t think that all sexist men (and women) are batshit crazy… I mean, I really believe that feminists and sexist men (and women) can learn a lot from each other — if only we can get to a place where we are willing to put down our dukes and just actually listen to what the other has to say, and ask them for their opinions and then ask why the other believes what they do about sexism and feminism, and basically try to understand where each other is coming from — I think that would be awesome, cuz then we can start to take down these arbitrary walls that separate us, and like, start to build a bridge of understanding that can only lead to positive things. to that end, I welcome comments here on my blog from sexist dudes (and women) to have an open dialogue about this stuff. let’s stop getting mad at each other all the time, and instead let’s just talk to each other like human beings. So hey, sexist men:  I’d like to talk to you! I’m interested in what you have to say, and I’m happy to listen to your perspectives on sexism and feminism. I mean, let’s be friends, u know?

so I’ve been bravely going where few feminists have gone before…I’m reaching out to sexist dudes on the internet and trying to talk to them and have a conversation with them about sexism. I’ve been doing this mostly through twitter, but also by commenting on sexist blogs too — see my comments on this sexist blog, Barstool Sports – about how toxic definitions of masculinity are damaging boys and men and causing them depression, pain, and anxiety – and I also challenged racism there as well. I think my comments are at the bottom of that link, or you can just do a search for “superflygirl” on that page. hahah…my comments were sooo long on that sexist blog, I plan to create a separate blog post here out of them!! lol.

By the way, on the topic of toxic definitions of masculinity – here’s a trailer to a new 2014 documentary about the harm caused by toxic definitions of masculinity called “The Mask You Live In.”

Also watch this amazing TED Talk by former NFL football player Joe Ehrmann – where Joe says that the 3 most destructive and toxic words that can be said to boys/men are “Be a Man.” As a former NFL football player/linebacker, Joe Ehrmann is the quintessential “tough guy” — a big, tall, strong man, who was a professional NFL player. Yet Joe is saying that the macho stereotype behind the sexist phrase, “Be a man” is actually TOXIC and DANGEROUS to boys and men.

so my first few attempts to try to have a conversation with sexist men have been very interesting…so far I’ve talked to about 12 sexist dudes on twitter about sexism, and like 11 out of 12 ran away from me and blocked me — and 1 sexist guy threatened to beat me up by sending me this tweet with the caption, “Hi Ashley.”

and this other sexist guy was like goading the first sexist dude to attack me, and he tweeted “Please bang some sense into her” — like in the spirit of “we need to teach this feminist bitch a lesson so she will shut the fuck up” by sending that tweet to him. then they blocked me.

yeah so um, that didn’t work out so well, lol.

but then I tried again recently and I just had a really long and interesting series of conversations about sexism and feminism on Twitter  with 2 sexist men Karl @RadishMag and Shadow @AShadowedKnight  and 1 sexist woman Mary @SunshineMarySSM  and  that went much better, I think. at least so far, these sexist dudes and sexist woman haven’t blocked me yet, hahah.

all 3 of them Karl @RadishMag  Shadow @AShadowedKnight  Mary @SunshineMarySSM seem quite nice and intelligent – Shadow @AShadowedKnight – seemed quite interested in sharing his sexist beliefs with me, and hit me with literally like 80 tweets — and he too, was intelligent, although he also said stuff like “women don’t fuck, they get fucked.” Ultimately, tho, Shadow had a good sense of humor, and I liked him, as I also liked Karl @RadishMag and @SunshineMarySSM.  More on Shadow @AShadowedKnight in my next blog post.

So Mary @SunshineMarySSM is a sexist woman –  who even tho she earned several graduate degrees, is a pro-patriarchy housewife — Mary writes a sexist blog that is so extreme that she even scares sexist men — one sexist dude on Twitter said he likes Mary’s blog, but the shit she writes is so radical, he’s afraid to re-tweet her – that probably is because Mary believes that divorce should be illegal, and adultery and sex before marriage (“fornication”) should be against the law and punishable offenses (I assume she means jail time) .

But I like sexist Mary…she’s intelligent, and witty, and she has a good sense of humor. More on Mary in my next blog post.

so I was pleasantly surprised by these sexist men’s (and 1 sexist woman’s) willingness to talk to me about sexism (knowing i’m a feminist), listen to my feminist views, and also share and discuss their sexist beliefs, as part of an open dialogue with each other.

when I first started my feminist quest, my boyfriend (who is also a feminist) was like, “Don’t do it! It’s too dangerous…cuz crazy sexist dudes.”

and honestly….I also kind of assumed most sexist men would immediately threaten to rape me or something if I tried to talk to them about feminism and sexism — but that wasn’t the case at all !!!

i mean, like, WHO KNEW?? and my feminist brain was like:

I have to tell you, I was shocked (shocked, I tell you!!!)  to discover that yeah, not ALL sexist men are insane, slobbering, knuckle-dragging would-be rapists!!  it was a pleasant surprise.

even with the 11 sexist guys who ended up blocking me on Twitter, many of them had long conversations with me about sexism and their views on feminist issues, such as rape and consent, etc. I think the key factor was that I didn’t call them names or make sarcastic, snide comments to them, and I was friendly and I didn’t attack them, you know?

um, but back to the sexist dude, Karl – in addition to being quite bright — for a sexist dude, Karl @RadishMag seems quite decent, since he said that he does not support violence against women or anyone threatening violence against someone else just because they have a different opinion — related to how one sexist guy I talked to threatened to beat me up, as I referenced above.  i think he’s like 24 or 25, cuz I asked him if he’s a college student like me and he said he’s a couple years older? his twitter tagline says he’s a part of the “Thomas Carlyle Club for Young Reactionaries.” i don’t know what that is, I guess i’ll have to google it later. so sexist Karl also has a fun, almost sweet sense of humor — he told me he sees himself as a cuddly wriggly ferret and further informed me that it’s “a little known fact that ferrets smell like cuddles.” then when I channeled my inner mean girl and I said, “You do realize that a ferret is a fucking weasel with nasty little pointy teeth, right?” he tweeted back, “A cute little fuzzy weasel? I can live with that” and he posted this pic of a baby ferret, which I have to admit, looked pretty damn cute, hahah.

now of course I’m not an idiot — I realize Karl might just be trying to fuck me or he could actually turn out to be evil and he’s just turning on the charm so that he can eventually kill me and wear my skin…but it was still nice to have a cordial conversation with a sexist dude, you know?

Karl @RadishMag writes a sexist blog where he talks about his sexist beliefs, like how he believes that the birth control pill and no-fault divorce have killed female monogamy  — so clearly, friends, he is um…a little wrong-headed…but even so: one amazing thing was that sexist Karl @RadishMag agreed to read the feminist book, “The Feminine Mystique” by Betty Friedan – which discuses how 50’s era housewives were bored, depressed, and lonely in their “feminine role” of stay at home mom (and how many women feel having children/being a housewife is not enough to be

happy in life).

— Karl @RadishMag and I made a deal that if he reads this feminist book (“The Feminine Mystique), that I suggested to him — then I will read some sexist book called “Defense of Women” by Henry Mencken that he suggested to me.

Karl @RadishMag said he would check out a copy of the Feminine Mystique from the university library that very night, and he even suggested that we go “chapter for chapter” on both books and discuss them!

So he’s reading chapter 1 of the feminist book and i’m reading chapter 1 of his sexist book. in this battle of ideology between feminists and sexist men…I think this is an amazing and encouraging, positive 1st step towards understanding where each other is coming from, and I think it’s awesome!!

oh man, this blog post is fucking crazy long, so I think i’ll leave things here…i’ll write more about my Twitter conversations with the other sexist Twitter guy Shadow @AShadowedKnight  and the sexist Twitter woman Mary @SunshineMarySSM —  both were quite nice too, but I don’t have room to go into detail here.

hahah…as a teaser preview of my next post tho, I will say this:  things went a little off the rails in my last few Twitter conversations with the sexist Shadow @AShadowedKnight  and sexist Mary @SunshineMarySSM and Karl @RadishMag — I started tweeting about vaginas and how we need to realize all vaginas are beautiful and challenge vagina shame — which is totally a feminist issue — and I posted videos of the feminist play “The Vagina Monologues”

so all my vagina talk  seemed to really freak out Shadow @AShadowedKnight — cuz he accused me of trolling them — but Mary @SunshineMarySSM seemed to have more of a sense of humor about it tho.

Damn, why does that word “vagina” scare so many sexist men, I wonder?

Until next time, cats and kittens!

* Hit me up on Twitter!! (or follow me!!) at:   @superflygirrrl5